Last Thursday marked my first day as self-employed person! I’ve dreamed about what this might feel like for a long time. Not that I was desperate for it or anything, but you know, after working full-time for over seven years, a girl’s gotta wonder!
What would I do? Oh man, the possibilities!
I had the most perfect day, ever.
I woke up at 6:30 and had coffee and breakfast with my guy.
I worked on my website until 9 am.
I then took Patsy, my sweet puppy, for a walk. We went to the Apple store and returned our wireless router (it was pretty crappy) and exchanged it for a more powerful one. They let dogs in the store, so it was especially fab.
Did I mention it was 70 degrees, sunny with fall colors exploding everywhere?!
Next, I brought Patsy home and went to daytime yoga.
Who goes to daytime yoga?! I do! At noon! It was neat!
Afterward, I didn’t even take a shower. I went right to Macy’s where I returned the three duplicate wedding gifts that had been just sitting in our guest bedroom, burning a hole in my brain/eyes.
Who has time to return stuff when they’re working full-time?!
Then, I went to JCrew and bought a puffy vest. I know I’m “technically not making any money,” but I’m sure my husband will never read this, so shhh!
My next move? I went to Crate & Barrel to pick up a gift card.
I was feeling pretty great about my accomplishments. Look at all of the things I just checked off my to-do list. Stuff that I’d been meaning to do for literally months!
And then exiting via Crate & Barrel’s revolving door, it hit me:
Oh my god, what if I’m lonely (#268!)?
Will every day be like this? Me, darting around from task to task, only hanging out with my dog? Social interactions limited to sales people and some guy heavy-breathing next to me in a hot yoga class?
I’ve never done this work-for-myself thing. I’ve always worked with others. Specifically, I’ve always worked with people I like. And for the past seven years, I’ve worked with Dusti, who has become more of a bestie/sister to me than a coworker.
Is this a mistake?
I still don’t think it is, but with big life changes, it’s not all upside. You have to take the good with the bad. Change is hard. That’s why we hardly ever do it unless it’s absolutely necessary.
This will not be the last time I second-guess my choice. But I’m prepared for it. For now anyway. Nothing happens overnight.
And as for loneliness?
Well, I guess that’s why God invented coffee meetings, lingering midweek lunches and happy hour.