It Happened to Me: I Wrote for xoJane

Last week, I pitched a story to xoJane. It was all about what I learned chopping off my hair. Almost instantly, I got an email back from xoJane’s managing editor, Emily McCombs, saying they’d love to run the story.

I about peed m’pants! Here’s why.

Let’s go waaaay back to 1995. I through some school fundraiser, I’d signed up for a Beverly Hills 90210: The Magazine subscription. I remember getting the first issue and thinking, huh… I wonder how they’ll make 12 of these in a year? I was 11 at the time. That magazine folded immediately. Instead, every month, like clockwork, I’d get a magazine called Sassy.

Sassy changed my life. It was so funny, well-written and full of the kind of knowledge a tween craved (aka how to be/act older; stories on something called STDs; lots about this band, Nirvana). I read each and every issue and thought the world of editor-in-chief, Jane Pratt… who I just today realized was only 24 (!) when Sassy debuted.

Eventually, Pratt left Sassy to form Jane magazine. When Pratt left Jane in 2005, it was just never the same. Jane disappeared in 2007.

I missed SassyJane and Jane Pratt.

And then, by some miracle called the Internet, there she was! launched in 2011. It felt like home.


They run lots of well-written content, submitted by all kinds of people. They still do Makeunders (meaning before and after pics of someone going from tons of cosmetics to almost none), It Happened To Me (people’s crazy real-life stories) and Unpopular Opinion (unpopular opinions). Except there was one addition:

the comments section.

I enjoy reading and participating in a great thread as much as the next person. And there are many, many thoughtful, kind comments on xoJane. However, one misstep, and the comment section will eat you alive. A recent example: It Happened to Me: I’m a Demisexual. (< that link IS safe for work).

Like many people, I did eye roll when I read the article. But I also felt for writer Molly Martinson. She seemed… really young. And then I read her bio. It turns out she is really young and openly dealing with depression. What might 1447 comments (and growing) ripping you to shreds feel like? I think we all have an idea.

I decided to write for xoJane, even though I feared the comments. I submitted my pitch and it was accepted. I wrote my piece, sending it two days later with photos and links. The editorial team never contacted me again. I saw my piece, live on the Internet, 10 hours after it was posted.

It already had over 200 comments.


I buzzed through them and was thrilled to see most were extremely kind. Granted, I wrote about hair, which isn’t exactly politics or religion or abortion or taxes. There were some haters. One woman said I sounded “victim-blamey” for saying I haven’t been catcalled since cutting my hair. One guy said, “I am considerate of my girlfriend and would never make a major change to my appearance without asking her first. The author sounds like a selfish brat. Marriage and relationships are a partnership.”

Whatever. For the most part, it was positive.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about Molly Martinson. And another young writer, Jen Caron, who wrote this young & dumb, but well intentioned article. I feel the Sassy & Jane editorial teams wouldn’t have run that piece. They would’ve looked out for a naive writer. Because obviously publishing it means only one thing: unleashing thousands of often very smart and sharp-tongued commenters. And this time around, their staff doesn’t pick one or two to run in the front-of-book Letters section. We all get to read every last one of them.

Sassy and Jane shaped me during my teens and early twenties. Pratt’s editorial team taught me about fashion, being more mindful, Courtney Love and Noxema. The voice informed how I write today. I looked up to Pratt and her team.

There’s something missing on xoJane. Part of it is due to the drive to get content online as quickly as possible. There are errors in my article. Sloppy stuff, like not linking things properly or accidentally bolding a letter in the middle of a sentence for no reason. I was never alerted that my article was online– not by an email, mentioned tweet or facebook post. That’s just common courtesy, but I can live with it.

What bugs me is young writers getting thrown to the wolves.

I get that giving thoughtful feedback takes time and hey, we’re all busy. And a lively comments section means impressions, which means dollars, but maybe we should be advising young writers? Telling them, hmmm…. maybe you don’t want to publish that. I’ve had people say that to me, and I am forever thankful for the opportunity to re-write.

I didn’t know at 19 what I know at 32. Who does? I care a lot less about what people think of me at 32 than I did at 19.

I’m not saying it’s the xoJane staff’s job to mentor young people or new writers. I personally just feel as human beings, it’s the right thing to do.

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Comments (10)

  • Nina Badzin 6 years ago Reply

    Well said! Your piece was great, but it does seem like some articles and headlines are there just for click bait.

    molly mogren katt 6 years ago Reply

    Oh yes, definitely! I thought I’d just give it a whirl. I did get a lot of traffic to my site, plus 30 newsletter subscribers, which is super-de-duper exciting. Cause I celebrate those things.

  • Alison 6 years ago Reply

    I’ve written twice for xoJane and I’ve had similar experiences. With my first article, I had Lesley as an editor and she did keep my informed, even telling me the exact time my piece would go live, which was REALLY nice. I was blown away with how responsive she was. The second time, I had Emily as an editor, like you did. She did not let me know my piece was going live, and I only knew because I stumbled upon it on Facebook. I think this is more commonly the case in digital publishing, and Lesley’s responsiveness was probably just a (much appreciated) fluke.

    The comment sections can definitely be messy. Some people just like to be dicks on the internet, but it’s also sometimes an issue of points in the main article not coming across as we intend them to. When I wrote my second article, I was REALLY careful after the nightmare that was my first, and it went a lot more smoothly. (Although there still were one or two nasty people, overall, I was relieved.)

    There are definitely some articles (like Hope Kumar’s, if you’re familiar with that one) that should NOT have gotten past editors, but I feel like sometimes (maybe even a lot of times) they intentionally post things that will get a big reaction. It IS a business, after all, and impressions = money. Anyway, know that I can relate to your experience! 🙂

    molly mogren katt 6 years ago Reply

    Thanks for sharing your xoJane experience. When I submitted, I forgot about how mean their comments section can get. Yikes!

    I agree about the article not coming across as intended. Part of that is the no feedback from editors situation & pace of publishing. Once you submit, there’s no turning back! No edits, no nothing.

    Maybe I should write about race on Hey Eleanor and watch the ad dollars roll in.

    On second thought, no. 😉

  • Gina 5 years ago Reply

    Just thinking about pitching to xoJane when I stumbled on this blog post. What you wrote about their lack of editing and the excessively snarky commenters is what’s deterred me from pitching them again. I had an article published there a while back and in hindsight, I’m not proud of what I wrote but I was super excited at the time because it was my first paid byline. I know now that every writer could benefit from editing and the fact that they don’t bother makes me feel kind of icky and exploited. Welp, looks like I just talked myself out of pitching them again, lol.

    molly mogren katt 5 years ago Reply

    Ha! I love a deep love of Jane Pratt, but don’t think I’ll be writing there again any time soon. It just felt yucky.

  • Brita Long 5 years ago Reply

    I just pitched xoJane for the first a few minutes ago. I know the comments will be awful, since my pitch is an Unpopular Opinion. But I already blog for The Huffington Post periodically–which doesn’t pay–and I’ve survived those comment sections.

    molly mogren katt 5 years ago Reply

    Comments are the worst. Except on this blog, where they’re normally really great! Good luck with your pitch 🙂

  • Janine 5 years ago Reply

    I pitched to xojane and was pretty surprised when I received an email saying that my story would be published. I wrote an extremely tongue in cheek piece on having baby names stolen titled "Bitch Stole My Baby Name". It was obviously meant to be a humorous take on the plight of being single (hence the title and overly sarcastic content). Not only did the editor change the name of my piece to make it sound like I was actually serious, they published it without telling me and I found out a month and 500+ comments later when money was deposited into my PayPal account. Some of the comments we’re nice, while a vast majority were mean and completely missed the joke. I had never really written anything before and always wanted to try. That being said, I stuck to what I knew: sarcasm. I clearly didn’t know my audience because 75% of the readers called me a selfish brat and that I was lucky people stealing my hypothetical baby names was my only problem. I actually stumbled upon this post shortly after I submitted my piece and I wish I had read this sooner.

  • Tracy 2 years ago Reply

    Worst publishing experience of my life! XO Jane syndicated my article to a few other sites…Yahoo, YourTango, all of which shared the same characteristics among their commenters- rude, snarky, nasty people. I was verbally abused, called fat, my kids were ridiculed for their teeth and I was told to find more jobs to fix their dental issues. A man hinted at stalking me (…hmm, only 2 states away), maybe as a joke, maybe not. For the $50 I was paid, it was not worth it.

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