#24. I Weigh 134.4 lbs

After I peed and disrobed, but before I had breakfast. Naturally. 
After I peed and disrobed, but before I had breakfast. Naturally.

Earlier this year, I lost a lot of weight because I had an infection that would not get the eff out of my body. And though I felt like crap, could hardly get a full night’s sleep, downed antibiotic after antibiotic, missed parties (boo) and work (boo?), and barely exercised for months, I weighed less than I had since my tonsillectomy circa 2005. Something like 128 lbs. And that had to count for something, right?

Fast forward to last summer, when I started a Crossfit boot camp program. Two or three days a week, I got my ass kicked in Kenwood Park. At first, I felt like a complete embarrassment, but within a few weeks, I could do 20 push-ups, no problem. I even beat my Beyonce (or fiancé) Josh in a few timed workouts. He’s a total stud, and I don’t expect to “win” in any physical challenge that doesn’t heavily rely on balance and/or flexibility. Kicking his butt is a big deal to me! I was in great shape, but I weighed more than I have in my entire life. Around that time, I had one of those horrid doctor’s appointments where you step on the scale and it’s at least five pounds heavier than at home… maybe 140? Even though I was in great shape and felt like a million bucks. Mentally, it was another story. Muscle weighs more than fat, blah blah blah. I know all about that, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

After freaking out for a few weeks, I decided to ask one of our boot camp coaches about the weight gain. I guess it’s not uncommon at all. In fact, she complimented me on gaining weight so quickly. Huh, now that was a completely new perspective, especially coming from a person in the fitness world. I slowly came to terms with the new numbers on the scale. What’s funny is that now I don’t immediately go to self loathing mode when I weigh myself, which is about a third as often as I did when I was sick as a dog (but light as a feather).

So 134.4 is what the scale said a few days ago. And after returning from a gluttonous trip to New York, I weighed nearly four pounds more. BFD. I’m sure some people will read this post and think, “Wow, I wouldn’t go around bragging about 134,” while others are thinking, “Skinny bitch!” I’m trying to just focus on how I feel, which is easier said than done. I think most women and many men have numbers we’re comfortable with, numbers we’re aiming for, and numbers that cause total panic. I dare the rest of you to share your number. ‘Cause no matter what you tell yourself, it doesn’t mean all that much.


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Comments (6)

  • Diana Wille 7 years ago Reply

    195, bitch!

    I can’t believe no one has commented yet…heh.

    but I will probably never, ever, EVER post the before pictures of myself online. Ever.

  • molly mogren 7 years ago Reply

    Yes! I can believe no one commented because I was being a wimp about sharing on Facebook… just posted this morning.

    Thanks for sharing your number. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that we’re working out at the same gym. I would’ve never posted this when I was basically only doing yoga (not that there is anything wrong with yoga. I love it.). Crossfit has definitely helped me check my weight-hate.

    "Before" photos are another story…

  • kate 7 years ago Reply
    1. Rediculous that admitting our weight would make a list of "Scariest things…" Good for you, Molly Mae!
  • Carrie Steinke 7 years ago Reply

    All I can say is good for you! You are such a delight to read. Oh and by the way I hope my one leg weighs 134! love yah!

  • Sasha 7 years ago Reply

    I weigh 150. Which is something I’m totally self conscious about, and is my heaviest. Every single one of your posts resonates with people so deeply. It’s not just the topics, but the way you write about them. So, (1) THANK YOU! and (2) CONGRATULATIONS!

  • molly mogren 7 years ago Reply

    Thanks Sasha! So nice to hear that from someone as awesome as you. BTW I am very excited to gain weight with you this weekend in Chicago…

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